<Beyond fed up with modesty posts. Replying with satire here because I don't have the guts to post it on my own wall. Yet. Give me a couple weeks of seeing 8 posts a day...>
In light of scientific evidence proving not only the rise of homosexuality, but also the data showing that both homosexual men and straight women are significantly aroused by bare male shoulders and pecs, I have decided to start a business.
I will design and market "mono-trunks," a modest swimwear option for men that includes an attached shirt. It will be a bear to get off; you will seriously contemplate just holding it. Your sons will *never* get out the water to use the restroom again, but it is only responsible to teach them while they're young that their bodies, especially the little butt-cracks that sometimes are revealed by dropping trunks, are special and should only be seen and enjoyed by their future spouses.
Getting the mono-trunk back on when it's wet will constitute and aerobic event. You will freeze for the extra hours it takes to dry, but because you love your fellow mankind and wish to assist them in their noble quest for purity, you will wear one. Choosing to continue to wear a worldly, "short-styled" swimsuit will result in all of your motives being judged by your fellow Christian brothers. If you do not choose to defer, you will be called "unloving." If you do not make it a priority to see yourself through the eyes of your gay brothers and weak sisters, you will be called "deliberately seductive." Frankly, your entire spirituality and love for God may be questioned if you continue in immodesty.
I know that as servant-leaders and gentlemen, sacrificing comfort and the luxury of not considering how your clothing choices affect others is a small price to pay to show love and help others stay strong.
Don't just be a man. Be a gentleman.
The mono-trunk will launch in the spring of '14.
Gentlemen, step right up and place your pre-orders today and encourage this company's commitment to modesty!!!
<cue crickets>
